Transfer, Complete!

Our donor embryo transfer in Brno, Czech Republic went as smooth as butter, the place was incredibly organized, and the staff were very friendly. We were there for approximately an hour and the procedure itself was a whopping 2-minutes. Easy peezy!

After our procedure we still had 6 days to explore the winter wonderlands of Prague and Vienna. These cities are beautiful!!! It was nice having the distraction of the Christmas markets and architecture to gawk at, but the nagging anxiety of uncertainty was present the entire time for both of us.

Did it work? Omg it didn’t work, I know it. Maybe it did work. Was that cramp I just felt implantation? Am I pregnant? Do my boobs actually hurt or is this in my head? Am I normally hungry at this time? Why do I feel so tired, is it the time change?

We agreed that I wouldn’t take a pregnancy tests during our trip, it was too early and we’d likely get a false negative anyways. Not testing was so difficult, I like to know things. I need to know things. I’d pee on a pregnancy test every day of the month if I could afford it. However, I agreed to wait… at least until we got home. The clinic suggested we wait to test until 12/17/2018, 2-full weeks after transfer, which sounds like an eternity if you ask me. If Nick had his way, we would have waited to test on that day. No thank you.

Sunday night we got home after 6pm, 14-hours of travel and a 7-hour time difference, we were exhausted, both physically and mentally, topped with no sleep in nearly 24-hours I felt like a walking zombie.

I waited for my in-laws to leave so I could take a pregnancy test. The second the door closed I ran to the bathroom, Nick said “are you seriously taking one right now? Hold on, I want to be there too.”

I peed on the stick and quickly turned it over so we couldn’t see the results…..that lasted about 15 seconds before I impatiently turned it back over to see the results window. I saw our second line forming right away- I looked at Nick in shock “Oh my god, it worked! It’s freakin’ positive!” He didn’t see it right away since the test was still doing its job considering I had just finished about 30-seconds prior. I had to point it out, but after a few more seconds he could see it clear as day.

I started to happy sob.

I can’t believe it.

We can’t believe it.

It freakin’ worked!

We are pregnant!

We spent the rest of the night calling our family and closest friends to tell them the good news, we didn’t want the first time they hear to be from my blog. I still can’t believe it, I’m in shock that it worked. I’m so happy that it worked. I’m so unbelievably grateful for our double donors. I’m so happy that the term “embryo donation” crossed my path and that we went out on a limb to explore it.

One hurdle down to this journey of parenthood. We know lots can happen in the coming weeks, but for now we are celebrating this giant success!

We are hoping and crossing everything that’s cross-able that this will result in our take home baby or babies. We are so ready for this next chapter.

Please let this be the start of our next chapter.

Will there be 1 or 2??????

pregnant

-Signs-

On Wednesday while Nick was making breakfast he cracked a double yolk egg. I haven’t seen one of those in years. We laughed and both said, “It’s a sign!!!” We joked about transferring 2 embryos, as we’ve done about 19-dozen times since we started this process. We set it aside and went about our day.

Yesterday (Thursday) I cracked my breakfast egg- it was another freakin’ double yolk egg! I quickly screen shot the picture and texted it to Nick. “If this isn’t another sign, I don’t know what is, we should transfer 2!” He called me immediately, “Are you serious?” I said, “No not really, but kinda, if this isn’t a sign, I don’t know what is.” Nick was always a fan of transferring 2 embryos with the hope of having twins, the thought of that always scared me. I told him I’ll email the coordinator to see if it’s even a possibility since we are literally less than 4-days out.

I emailed the coordinator to see if there was a possibility that we transfer 2 if we decided. 10-minutes later I received a response.

Dear Tessa,

I already have both of your embryos to transfer on Monday. So don’t worry already have you transfer 2 embryos.

Best regards,

Michaela

Whhhhhhaaatttttt?????? I called Nick immediately, this entire time they’ve had us down to transfer both our embryos, we would have been in for a MAJOR surprise on Monday had I not emailed them. We both were blown away, and in that moment, we decided that 2 embryos would hopefully find their next 9-months nestled in my 10.79mm thick uterus lining.

We are so excited, the thought of increasing our chances for at least one take home baby gives me chills, the thought of potentially having two take home babies makes me slightly nervous, but all the more excited. Two would mean we’d never, ever have to do fertility treatments again, because our family would be complete.

As much as this was unexpected, we just have to listen to the universe.

Bon voyage!

Xo,

Tessa

eggs

 

Check ✅

One major (breath holding) step is now behind us, thank god! This morning we had my lining ultrasound and let me tell you, I was a nervous wreck. The lining scan today was ultimately our “green light” to officially get our transfer time and final date nailed down for our FET.

A lining ultrasound is performed in mostly all fertility treatments, it allows the clinic to see how thick the uterine wall is and to see how many follicles are growing. These ultrasounds usually happen between CD10-14 and for a successful pregnancy to occur, they want the uterine lining to be greater than 8mm.

I went in today holding my breath and anticipating the worst. I’ve never had lining issues, but I’ve been having nightmares about a thin wimpy lining and everything needed to be cancelled. Having a cancelled fertility cycle while at home sucks…having a FET cancelled when you’ve booked your international airfare and didn’t buy insurance…would really suck.

Seriously, the mix up on cycle days I talked about in my last post really had me messed up psychologically, I felt crazy over analyzing everything.

Today we got great news- My lining looks perfect at 10.79mm’s thick and all my follicles are staying tiny like we want. Our donor FET is officially scheduled for 1pm on December 3rd!!!

Wednesday the 28th I start my progesterone injections… I’ll need to youtube some videos because it’s in these weird little glass bottles I’ve never seen before and have no clue how to get the medication out…Europeans…

We leave on Friday and this will likely be my last post before we leave! We’ll take all the good thoughts, prayers, energies, wishes we can get!!

xo,

Tessa

Comic by the ever so talented Brie Bailey @ Bermuda Tea Comics

Tessa Blog 2

*Mrs. Hot Mess*

Hot mess. That would be the best way to describe me last week…

November 9th I took my last birth control pill and waited for my period to show. My doctor said that it should come 3 to 5 days after stopping the pill. My next medication, estridol, starts on November 14th, which is considered “cycle day 1 (CD1)” so in a perfect world, my period would come on November 14th.

I’m shocked by the amount of women (and men) who have no idea the magical things a female body does each month in the attempt to create new life … So, for those of you who never had to worry about these magical-hormonal changes or had to count cycle days, here is a brief overview of why it’s important for baby-makin’. Most women’s menstrual cycle lasts around 28 to 32 days and during this time, the body is constantly making important hormones to keep everything healthy for a pregnancy each month. CD1 starts with the onset of a period and your cycle ends with the start of your next period. A perfect circle of life… like the moon cycles.

The full cycle has 4 phases and I’m about to get all sciencey..

  • The menstruation phase: Period party aka CD1, it usually last 3-7 days, the body is literally shedding the uterine lining that would be used to establish a nice soft home for an embryo to implant into…bye-bye lining, time to start creating the next round.
  • The follicular phase: Also starts on CD1 and overlaps with the menstruation phase. Time to create egg(s)!! The ovaries are busy creating follicles which contain immature eggs, an average women’s body can create anywhere between 5-20 follicles in one month. The hormone FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) is cruising through the body trying to mature some of those immature eggs, cmon eggs, grow up. Only the healthiest of the immature follicles will create a mature egg, this mature egg is the only egg that can result in pregnancy. The body is usually in this phase for about 14 to 16-days.
  • The ovulation phase: Boom, that mature egg decides to ditch the follicle and slides down the fallopian tube where it waits between 12 to 24 hours to be fertilized…it requires the male counterpart to complete the deed. Ovulation cannot occur until the follicular phase is complete, therefore that egg drops around CD14-CD16.
  • The luteal phase: Once the egg drops from the follicle, the follicle is left behind and the follicle sac closes up and starts creating hormones- it is no longer called a follicle, it’s called a corpus luteum. The corpus luteum is responsible for producing estrogen and progesterone. These hormones are essential in making the uterine lining thick so the fertilized egg (embryo) can implant and a healthy pregnancy can occur. *Side note: Women undergoing fertility treatments get prescribed mega doses of estrogen and progesterone because the act of fertility treatments often times interrupts the natural luteal phase and the corpus luteum can’t do it’s given duty* If a woman gets pregnant, she won’t get her period, the estrogen and progesterone levels will remain higher and the uterine lining doesn’t need to shed. If there is no pregnancy, the corpus luteum shrinks, the hormones decrease, and the bleeding will begin, restarting at CD1.

The cycle days are very important, it’s what us infertile people study like a textbook. Without these phases, there is no pregnancy and there is no period.

Anyways, my period came 2 days after stopping birth control, not in the expected 3-5 day window that my entire cycle frozen embryo transfer was based upon. UGH STUPID BODY.

Some might not see this as a big deal, but I know that from my 5 years of infertility research that cycle days and hormone levels are incredible important. It didn’t even register in my brain until November 14th when I was set to start my estrogen pills and noticed that my FET protocol sheet has November 14th listed as CD1…when I was already on CD4. ☹

I posted my situation to my support board asking others if anyone started taking the estrogen on their CD4 instead of CD1… all the responses were that I should have started the medication at the start of my period on November 11th… shiiiiittttttttt.

I cried, I swore, I drank nearly an entire bottle of wine. I thought everything was screwed.

Since I’m incredibly dramatic and think I know everything, I emailed my coordinator to let her know I messed up my entire cycle by getting my period 3 days early. I received a nonchalant email back the Thursday morning that said:

Dear Tessa,
Your embryo transfer is schedule on Monday 3rd December.
We will be in touch with the check ultrasound.
Have a lovely day

She clearly didn’t interpret my desperation in my first email… so I sent her a more detailed explanation of my concerns Thursday night because it still didn’t make sense to me:

Hey Michaela, I’m sorry to bug you again, but I need reassurance from Dr. Hana regarding my upcoming FET. I’m extremely concerned that I started my period on November 11th and that technically this would be considered cycle day 1. My protocol has cycle day 1 listed as November 14th, which is technically CD4 because my period started 3 days prior to that…therefore my transfer that is scheduled for December 3rd would be cycle day 23. I’m worried this is too late by a day or two. 
Can Dr. Hana please explain to me why CD1 starts on November 14th even tho my period started on November 11th, I need the clarification on how this is measured and viewed. 
My usual cycle is 28days… transferring on CD23 seems late.. 
Has she had others that transferred on CD23? 
I’d like some clarification on why CD1 wouldn’t be the date my period started.
Thank you

I received the following response from her on Friday morning:

Don’t worry Tessa,
Dr Hana told me that it’s ok.
But if you affraid and you will not be relax we can do the transfer before. 

By Friday I just had to laugh about this email, not a single question answered and since our flights were booked, there was no going back now. I can only trust.…luckily by Friday morning my self-created insanity had dwindled, and I realized I was acting crazy, whatever happens here is completely out of my control. This is hard to accept when you’re a control freak like I am. After all, these doctors know what they are doing…they are a world-renowned fertility clinic and I’m just a panicky-scared woman who has never done a FET in her life so what do I know???

I sent her back an email that said:

Thank you Michaela, I needed you to tell me that. I think it’s the hormones. I’ll let you know how my scan goes on November 26th.

She definitely thinks I’m coo-coo for cocoa puffs…  At this point, I just need to accept that I kinda am. Whatever.

In other news, we are starting to get super-duper excited for our trip! I’ve had a lot of people ask how long we are staying and if we get to explore while we are there. Of course we do, that’s about the only silver lining to this whole shitty ordeal!!

We get to spend a few days in Vienna, Brno and Prague. We’ve never been to any of these cities so if you’ve been- please shoot me a message with your recommendations and must-sees (and eats, I love food).  I realized I hadn’t mentioned yet that my in-laws are coming with us, both for moral support and to see these two beautiful countries that have been on their bucket lists. We are super excited to have them as a welcomed distraction and to explore with us!

If this FET works, I would likely have a positive pregnancy test when we get home on December 9th since I would be 6dpt (6 days post transfer)…We haven’t decided when we are going to test yet but I’m fairly certain the anticipation would drive me nuts…ahhhhhhhhhhhhh it’s almost here!!

Xo,

Tessa

PS. Don’t forget to send us your fav’s if you’ve been to Vienna/Prague/Brno!!

Uter

-Emotion Sick-

The 30-day countdown has begun! Since we made this decision in July the transfer date has felt so far away, now it feels uncomfortably close…. Am I excited? Yes. Am I trying to stay positive? Yes. Am I nervous? Yes, in fact, every time I think about it, I feel physically ill.

The best way I can describe it, it’s like knowing this could possibly be the best thing to ever happen or potentially one of the most devastating. It’s like spinning the wheel of roulette with a million dollars on the line. Ufff, that’s big gamble. This last weekend I wasn’t feeling like myself, maybe it was stress, maybe it was nerves, maybe it was a tinge of depression or that I picked up a 24-hour bug – whatever it was, I felt off and I didn’t like it.

Friday night I opted to miss a good friend’s birthday celebration that I had been looking forward to, I just couldn’t do it, I wasn’t feeling well. I told Nick to go along without me and have fun, so he did. I spent the evening taking a hot bath and meticulously scrolling through the “embryo adoption and donation support group” to see if I could learn anything else outside of the 15,000 other times I’ve already scrolled through the previous posts.

When you are part of a support group you see so many stories. When I read these, I try to pick out similarities that resemble our life and our infertility journey. There are so many reasons why people desire donor embryo’s….. some have spent their entire life savings on failed fertility treatments and couldn’t afford it anymore…some can’t afford traditional adoption…some have been trying the traditional adoption route and its failed…some families already have children but want “one more” but they’ve already gotten snipped…some families learned they are carriers of genetic conditions only after birth of their first or second child and don’t want to risk passing that genetic condition to their future babes…some are single (older) females with their clocks ticking…some families have one partner (or both) who are unable to conceive…there are tons and tons of different reasons and there are tons and tons of different stories, not a single one is identical to the other.

I don’t necessarily find it helpful to spend my evening searching over support boards, in fact, it causes me so much unnecessary anxiety, but it’s hard to stop. By the time I put my phone down to call it quits, I’m convinced that our protocol is garbage and that our doctors have no idea what they are doing. I mean, Jane Doe said she took different medications for her embryo transfer and it worked and another person said that she had 4 donor embryo transfers that failed, so obviously that’s going to happen to us too. I rarely pick out the positives when I’m scrolling through posts.

Friday night I went to bed at 8pm and didn’t wake up the next day until after 9am. Over 13-hours of sleep… that is incredibly unheard of for me, I’m a 6:30am early riser, even on the weekends. I had some very bizarre dreams, but nothing fertility related…I dreamt we had bedbugs that looked like snowflakes with legs and my good childhood friend (Gus) died in an unmemorable way. I woke up sobbing, again. Thanks, fake hormones.

Saturday morning I felt much better, we did some major closet and basement cleaning in preparation to put our home on the market when we return from the Czech- we got a ton accomplished. That afternoon Nick’s cousin and her husband were having a party to celebrate the seasons- “Crocktoberfest”. Everyone brings a crockpot dish to share and you enjoy good company. It was great, so much good food and so many cool people. About an hour into the party, I started to not feel like myself again, I couldn’t shut my brain off ugh, enough is enough. We stayed about 3-hours, then I asked Nick if we could leave, I didn’t feel like socializing, which was totally not like me… if you give me cocktail and someone to talk to, I’m usually good for hours 😊.

The truth is, this was a family party, there were a ton of small children there and they were all so dang cute. I intentionally try really really hard to not let the fruitful fertility of others get to me, but it always does. It’s very difficult for me to be around so many young children and mothers, I yearn for what they have- I don’t care if that baby is crying/pooping/snotting/hungry/needy, I’d chop off my left arm to experience motherhood. The jealousy is overwhelming at times. Why do they get to reproduce so easily?

Over the years my emotional response being surrounded by children and mothers (specifically friends) has fluctuated, at one point in our infertility journey I would have refused to go or left the party almost immediately and cried the entire night. I’m thankful I don’t do that anymore, it would be a shame to miss out on these fun events. I’m thankful for the hard work I’ve done in therapy, because of this I notice these feelings before I have an uncontrollable reaction. I honor these feelings because these feelings are my reality. I own these feelings because they are mine and they are the result of years of heartache and disappointment that a lot of others will never, ever understand.

Whenever I have a (emotionally charged) moment, I try and reflect on what it means and really “sit in my shit” as my therapist would say. I try to take time to process, before I react. Yesterday, with the realization that our embryo transfer was less than 30-days away, I felt myself mourning again. I always thought I’d have a mini-me…an itsy, bitsy, tiny version of me that I’d stare at trying to find the traits that resembled me and the ones that resembled Nick. I wonder what our baby will look like? I wonder what our donors look like and if they’re good, kind/hearted people. I wonder where in the world (no pun intended) the two babies created by these donors live. I wonder if our future child/ren will ever meet their biological parents one day or if they’ll even want to. I wonder what our children will think about their conception when they grow up. I wonder if donors realize how much their precious gift means to families like us.

I wonder if this will work.

Xo,

Tessa

For those of you wondering how Dooz doggy-dog is doing, she is doing GREAT! Drain tube came out last week and this coming Saturday she gets her stitches out. She is most definitely getting all her personality back. Yesterday was the first time since the incident she actually took out her toys and chewed her bones. Yesterday was also the first day I had to holler at both dogs for playing too rough. It’s good to have her back to normal! 😊

uterus

.Screwed.

Last week I woke up at 5am to the realization that I never asked our coordinator if our new embabies had resulted in a successful pregnancy, so I emailed her immediately. She told me that this egg/sperm combo had resulted in 2 prior pregnancies, but the batch we were offered was created in August of 2018, so our possible future babies have at least two genetic siblings somewhere in this big world….so cool!!

In other news, something incredibly traumatic happened on Saturday night. It all started around 9:30pm when we returned home from dinner with friends, we were snuggling on the couch watching Game of Thrones when I noticed that our oldest dog, Dottie, was lying in a spot and position that was abnormal for her. I told Nick that she was acting weird and he reminded me that she was tired because we were dog sitting a friend’s dog for the last 5 days and earlier the neighbor’s dogs were over playing too. She was definitely tired, so I pushed it aside. 30-minutes later we were ready for bed.

Our usual bedtime routine consists of both dogs jumping in bed to get some love for about 15-20 minutes before we kick them off to their mats for nigh-nigh time. Tuna was the only one who jumped up, he hogged the attention until we realized that Dottie wasn’t even in the bedroom, super strange for her since she has been doing the same routine for 4 years- even when she is dead tired. We yelled for her to come and she slowly walked up to my side of the bed but didn’t try to jump up. I noticed her doing something strange with her mouth, so I reached down to pet her. My hand landed directly in a slimy wet spot. What the hell? I jumped out of bed and turned the light on so I could check it out. *GROSS WARNING* I had to pull apart her long hair and what I saw was absolutely disgusting, it was a huge open wound, the first thing I saw was bloody fat/flesh, I couldn’t tell where it started or ended- I yelled to Nick “SOMEONE SHOT DOTTIE!!” Nick jumped out of bed faster than anyone I’ve ever seen “What are you talking about???” He hollered. My hand was covered in gross goop.

He looked at the spot for 3 seconds and said, “It’s not a gunshot wound Tessa, she’d be dead, but we should probably go to the vet.” We quickly tossed Tuna in his kennel and within 2 minutes we were on the road headed to the emergency vet. We looked at our “pet emergency” magnet on the fridge and called them, their vet had just gone into emergency surgery and would not be unavailable for the next 2-3hours… well that won’t work.

We called their affiliate in Golden Valley and they were able to see her right away. Golden Valley happens to be one of the suburbs that Nick and I have talked about moving to but I have never actually been there. (*Side note: we are also in the process of selling and buying a new home) There is no better time than 10:15pm on a rainy, drizzly night with a bleeding dog to check out the area …Golden Valley it is.

They brought us back to a room right away to fill out forms and to inform us of the ridiculous office fee. Obviously, we didn’t care, fix our bleeding dog, please. The vet came in for a quick chat and then told us they would shave Dottie to see the wound to determine if she needed stitches.

3-minutes later, they brought Dottie in to show us what they were working with. I almost passed out, I couldn’t even look at the wound-I immediately felt woozy. What the heck happened to you girl? She looked so scared, she always hates the vet anyways and shakes uncontrollably, this was not any different, she was a mess, I was a mess, Nick was stoic. Her wound was a giant, it was almost the size of my palm, and it was open, bloody, and swollen. The vet told us “it’s a dandy” and that it likely happens over 24-hours age because of how swollen and infection it was. So gross. “She will need more than a few stitches to take care of this, we have to open it up, clean it out, and put a drain tube in”…….ugh, what? How the F did we not notice this, we are terrible dog parents!! He said it would take an hour and a half, then he brought her back for sedation. ☹

We waited in the lobby, only 2 other families that came in, the first had a dog that had eaten 2 rabbits a few days ago and now they suspected the bones were in her digestive track because she wasn’t eating and vomiting. The second was a family with an elderly cat, I only heard a bit of that conversation, but my guess is that it didn’t end well. God emergency vets are so depressing.

The time passed slowly, we talked about how in the world this could have happened, we had several theories. The receptionist called us up and went over all the medications that Dottie would need, 5 in total. Yikes. We were also informed that we needed to limit her movement, not allow her to play, and follow up with our vet right away on Monday to get further instructions, like tube and stitches removal.

Then they brought her out- she looked so bad, she could hardly walk, she was confused, her eyes were all goopy from the vaseline they put on for surgery. It looked like she had been crying, her eyes showed nothing but fear, I didn’t blame her, after all her left side was shaved, stitched and had a big nasty tube sticking out. My heart broke. They told us she was on a heavy dose of pain medication and that she was just coming down from the anesthesia. Poor sweet girl, you didn’t deserve this.

We struggled to get her into the car, partly because it was down pouring, partly because she was so high from the meds and anesthesia, and partly because Nick and I had absolutely no idea what we were doing and we didn’t want to hurt her more.

I sat in the backseat to try and comfort her, my heart was beating about a million miles per minute, I tried to hold it together but by the time we pulled out of the parking lot I was crying, I felt so, so, so bad for our fur baby.

She was still super messed up when we got home, we slowly got her into our bedroom where she could lay on her mat on our floor. It was a long night. I mayyyybeee slept 2 hours, I was on high alert all night, checking on her periodically to make sure she was okay.

The next day (Sunday) little missy was not herself, to be expected. It wasn’t until around 2:30pm when we got Tuna back from our neighbors that we got even a smidge of a tail wag, right after that our good friend, Lissy, swung by and Dottie was so excited to see her, she let out some excited cries (that’s how she loves to greet people she loves) and embraced all the pets. Glimpses of her spunk were popping through, plus she looked super stylish in the white shirts she got to wear all day to protect her tube.

Today (Monday) we had a follow up with our main vet, we were just there for an appointment 2 weeks ago, so Dottie appeared more comfortable. They checked her incisions and the tube, cleaned her up and said everything was looking “as good as it could.” We head back tomorrow to hopefully get her tube removed. They wrapped her up in some cute pink bandages, so her drainage wouldn’t leak all over our house anymore and sent us on our way.

Today was better, although she still isn’t moving around much, she has her attitude mostly back, like not coming inside and laying on the couch when she knows she isn’t supposed to. Today I watched Tuna try to engage her in play by dropping a bone on her head, she didn’t even flinch, my guess is that by tomorrow she’ll want to zoom around and I’ll have to yell at her because she is still on a zero activity restriction. 😊

So, the burning question- what the heck happened? Not knowing was terrible, there were so many theories but we figured it must have happened in our yard. Was it a stick that she fell on? Another dog scratch or bite? A sharp part of the fence or retaining wall? Did someone walking down the alley and intentionally hurt her? We searched our yard over several times, finally Nick noticed a clump of hair on a hex bolt that sticks out of our patio umbrella about a half inch. I’ve never noticed that dangerous bolt sticking out. Below it was more hair, that was the culprit. Dottie rips around the yard to get Tuna or other dogs to chase her..this time she must have ran between the umbrella stand and it gouged and tore her side. 🤢HOLY OUCH!!!!!!!!

Thanks everyone who sent good energy, positive thoughts, and prayers to our girl!🐶❤️

xo,

Tessa & Dottie

screwed

Little Blue Pill

Holy bananas, it has been an insanely busy last 2 weeks, I haven’t even had time to write, where does the time go? Whoever preaches stress reduction while trying to conceive was clearly not a social worker 😊.

I finally started my first medication, good ol’ birth control, the medication I spent years and years religiously taking to avoid the exact thing I’m trying to achieve. How ironic. My lady bits decided to shed itself starting on October 10th, so on October 11th I began taking the cute little pill in that cute little blue package. I.freaking.hate.fake.hormones.

By October 15th, I was essentially a living, breathing, monster who was sleep deprived and always hungry. How do these pills have that much of an effect? The first two days taking it were easy-peezy, but then the insomnia set in. I normally consider myself an A+ sleeper, I’m routined to a fault and can fall asleep at the drop of a hat, not on these bad boys I can’t. On the night of the 16th, I woke up every 50-minutes after the clock hit midnight, it was awful. At 3:30am I woke up Nick to see if he was sleeping…of course he was, I had been watching him for the last 3 hours…I also had to tell him I couldn’t sleep, I felt it was important he knew. I’m confident that Nick would classify my habit of waking him up at night one of the most annoying things I do <devil smile>. He told me to go sleep in the guest room, which I did, but of course I was followed by a dog party that was sure to wake the entire neighborhood up if I didn’t let them snuggle. 5:50am quickly rolled around and it was time to get up and seize the day (sarcasm).

I don’t know about the rest of you, but it is incredibly difficult for me to function on anything less then 7-8 hours of sleep. It makes me feel physically ill and I’m essentially worthless. Is this preparation for parenthood?  The next night I took a hefty dose of sleep aid and went to bed by 7pm, by 3am I was tossing and turning again. I’ve forgotten how much I loath fake hormones. I wonder how I took them for so many years.. but then I remember that I was a wild woman and survived on very little sleep and cheap booze each night, truly impressive when I think back about it.

Once I started the birth control I emailed our coordinator to get our official dates determined, ie: lining check ultrasound, progesterone shots, time of FET. Exciting.

I got an email back from her the next day telling me to schedule my lining check on November 24th or 25th, before I even looked at the calendar I knew these dates were probably a Saturday/Sunday, because why wouldn’t they be the days my clinic is closed? Sure enough-they were, excellent, of course, its always something. I had to email back and see if Friday/Monday worked instead. I got an instant email back saying “Friday would be best.” I spent the next 30-minutes on hold with my doctors office only to learn the clinic was closed on November 23rd due to Black Friday. Good God. I called 5 more clinics, all closed. Jesus-is Black Friday a national holiday now?

It look my coordinator from the Czech clinic 3 days to respond to say whether or not Monday 26th would work instead, that was another long waiting game filled with anxiety. I had convinced myself our entire embryo transfer was screwed. Luckily, just like my lovely coworker told me, Monday worked just fine, whoofta.

Next step: try not to hurt anybody, discontinue birth control pills Nov. 9th, and start estrace Nov. 14th!

xo,

Tessa

hormones