Yikes, its been almost two months since I’ve posted any updates, I’m sorry friends! Life has been crazy busy on our end, selling our home, finding another and growing our baby 😊.
Things continue to progress perfectly with our little Czech miracle embaby, everyday feels like a huge milestone. It’s hard to put into words the amount of gratitude that I’m feeling over this little miracle, at times I feel like I could just explode with all the joy.
At the time we chose to do this embryo journey, I was utterly defeated around the fact that I would never experience pregnancy and it was crushing. It felt like everyone around me was having babies, trying for babies, or had just completed their families and it made me green with envy. Before we left to the Czech, I was already looking at flights for the following months to plan another try when it failed. I also spent hours researching adoption agencies and considered applying for a foster care license to help meet my raw maternal instincts, I felt desperate, we felt desperate. This is infertility.
We are now 16-weeks pregnant and I’ve got a growing baby bump to reassure me! The last time we got to see baby by ultrasound was about a month ago (aka an eternity). We purchased one of those ‘home doppler heartbeat monitors’ around week 10 and that thing literally is worth its weight in gold. Hearing that thumping heartbeat whenever I need has curbed my crippling fear that something awful has happened. I’ve been incredibly lucky to feel (mostly) great during this pregnancy so far, there are zero complaints over here. We find out the gender of embaby at the end of the month, my gut says girl, Nick says he “has a logistic mind and there is a 50/50 chance of it being a boy or girl” and most of our friends are guessing boy. Only time will tell but Holy-S do I wish time would speed up 😊.
The emotional mess that infertility has caused continues to lurk around every corner. A few weeks ago, I finally had the strength to ask one of my best friends how long they were trying to conceive when they had their two babies. Her response of only a few short months was a painful reminder of how unfair infertility is for so many of us who spend oodles of aching months, years, and thousands and thousands of dollars for something that we are taught happens so easily. Sheesh. Every child is a blessing. My heart breaks, and probably always will, for my friends who are in the thick of this difficult journey.
My trauma from infertility has caused me to be apprehensive about walking through the baby aisle in stores or talking too much about our pregnancy. I haven’t purchased a single baby item yet. I’ve only taken one ‘baby bump’ photo. I don’t want to jinx anything. Maybe that is why I haven’t written a blog post in almost two months? I know these are unrealistic fears…Our OB informed us that our pregnancy is no different than any other pregnancy at this point, even though we are “high risk” due to the fertility treatments (they consider any pregnancy that uses treatments as high risk). I’ve recently started asking my mom-friends about their ‘must haves’ to create a baby registry for the baby showers our families are hosting for us. The thought of a baby shower for OUR BABY seems so foreign! WE ARE SO EXCITED.
2019 will certainly be a huge year for our family! We officially sold our first home and our offer got accepted this weekend on our dream home in Plymouth! We will be moving at the end of March, the same day we will find out if embaby is a team blue or pink!!!
Tessa and baby
Baby F at 12 weeks below